I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
