It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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