I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
