My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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