when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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