what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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