just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
operation harelip BJ is a go
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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