im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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