i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
did i just pee glitter
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
