I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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