Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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