Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This couple is walking their pig around campus
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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