im having a threesome with these popsicles
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
