apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I came so hard my ears popped.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
