wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
