i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think my fart just growled at me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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