went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
