Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
