he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
