I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
