Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
