So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
