first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
