I'm lost and stupid without you.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
