YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
