You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Boobs speak an international language.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
