Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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