i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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