What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
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Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
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Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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