I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
