We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
