So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
