I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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