ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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