And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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