I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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