I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
