theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
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