I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You're like the curious george of whores
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
