i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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