I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
