I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
