Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
