The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
