I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
