I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
