Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
