You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
