just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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