What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
