totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
