i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
