I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
