Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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