omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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