I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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