I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize