Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
