If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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