please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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