You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
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I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
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I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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