I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
