I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
