He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
