I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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