When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
