how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
