Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
