Banned from zoo.
Again?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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