just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
