I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
