About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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