Just fell off a train. Bad.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
