he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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