I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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