At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
