The maid of honor just puked.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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