Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
