Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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