Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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