i think my tv is drunk
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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