OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
