The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
