R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
