I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
