i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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